Mom Evolving

Miss Representation- A Powerful Message about Media & Our Kids

I first saw a trailer for this documentary on a Facebook post of a friend-

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

After viewing it once, I was hooked. I had to watch it again. I even contacted my local theater venue to see if they would be willing to host a viewing. If you haven't seen anything about Miss Representation, I suggest you watch the trailer or visit the site www.missrepresentation.org- the message is that important.

According to the trailer, teenagers today consume 10 hours and 45 minutes of media a day. But what exactly are they consuming? What messages are they absorbing when they view TV, ads, movies, and other online content? As a parent of a school aged boy and girl, I like to think that I am fairly vigilant about what my children are exposed to. I realized after watching this that I have a lot more to do.

As a female I think that in some ways I have become immune to how women are so often portrayed on TV, in ads etc. that I no longer "see" the subtle messages. Yes, Toddlers & Tiaras is extreme, but what about the other, less overt degradation of women? Shows where women or girls are portrayed as "dumb" or solely focused on for their exterior appearance? These are the messages that have become so commonplace that I guess I simply take them for granted. I recognize my apathy and hope that it does not spread to either of my children.

For my daughter, I want her to see women as powerful- and not just because of their sexuality. I want her to realize her ability to do and be anything she wants, as long as she puts her mind and hard work into it. For my son, I want him to see women as valuable contributors to all aspects of society. I  hope that he will recognize and respect women's rights, intellect and beauty- hopefully in that order.

Society will not change overnight, but I vow to increase my vigilance and, where possible, will provide positive contrasts for both my children. Maybe one day advertisers will seek to pay for ads featuring strong, intelligent women- not just those who look good with airbrushing.

Kid Craft Storage Solutions

My son is now 9 and I have been collecting artwork, yes even the faded post-it that he first scribbled on, ever since he could do something other than drool.  For years I have put his, and later my daughter's, artwork and school papers into bankers boxes, folders, plastic bins etc. Ever so mindful of not throwing away anything that "might" be important.  Until last week.

As one of my summer projects I took on how to be store my kids' crafts, school papers etc. Given the larger sizes of some of the artwork, I have been consistently challenged to find appropriate ways to store these larger items so that they don't get destroyed.  While talking to a fellow mom recently, she mentioned that she had heard of someone using unused pizza boxes.  They allow for storage of the bulkier items and stack well.  However, the best feature is that you only assign one box per year.  Once the box is full it is full.  That way if you engage your child in helping you, it helps set a boundary up-front as to the amount of items to be retained. And, let's be honest- it also helps the parent too. 

I found my boxes online at a restaurant supply store:  www.webstaurantstore.com.  You can buy the generic boxes with "pizza" on them or just plain corrugated cardboard.  They come in packs of 50 for about $15.00, so I would suggest teaming with another parent and make the order worthwhile because shipping is almost as much as the boxes.

Label maker in hand, I set out and labeled all of the boxes and began the ridiculously time consuming task of organizing: 

  
And then there was the final result!

 

 

 

E-Cards

There are so many things that we can do to reduce our use of paper and I am a big fan of both electronic invitations and cards.  Recently I checked out www.ennouncementcards.com and they have a broad selection of free e-cards that you can customize with your own photos etc.  In looking through their list they have a category for events/kids performances.  What a fantastic idea! I like the personalized spin on this, versus just sending a generic email to invite grandparents etc. to KC's dance recital.

Yelling-A Deep Dark Secret

I admit it. I hate to admit it, but it does happen- albeit infrequently. Yelling. There I said it. Yellers, I come from a family of them. It was unfortunately how I was brought up, and exactly what I did not want for my children.  And yet...occasionally a yell escapes from me.

"KC, get dressed now, put on those tights. We're going to be late for your dance class."

Nothing. My daughter sat on the floor with her arms crossed, a defiant look across her face. "No. I don't wanna wear THOSE tights. I want the ones without the feet in them!"

"KC, you HAVE to wear these tights or else the tap shoes will rub your feet and they will hurt. Put the tights on."

"No."

"Put the tights on NOW!!!" The voice was raised, but I was still in control. I took a breath, looked at the clock and started to assess my options. There was no response to my request that she get dressed. Just a furrowed brow and a hard stare. This was clearly turning into the battle of the wills. The clock was ticking and I was forced to try and dress an uncooperative wet noodle of a five-year old. My frustration level increased and there was no time left; we were barely going to make dance class.

"KC, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE BEING SO DIFFICULT. WE ARE DOING THIS IS ALL FOR YOU!"

My yell escaped and I could hear the tone of my voice, my mother's voice, echo in my head. And, I felt horrible. As I put her in the car, I went over what had upset me about her behavior and then apologized for my own poor behavior. I hugged and kissed her and wished that it had never happened.

Ironically very soon after that incident, I came across an article on www.parents.com, "10 Ways to Stop Yelling" written by Jami Brown and it was a great refresher, with many tips that I current use and a few more for me to think about:

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tips/ways-to-stop-yelling/?page=9

Time permitting, I regularly employ the idea of a parent time-out. When I have reached the end of my rope, I often look away briefly to catch a breathe, make a frustrated face and generally compose myself again.  There have even been those occasions where I have excused myself to the bathroom just to buy time to regroup and avoid yelling entirely.

I love the suggestion noted in the article by Michelle LaRowe author of "A Mom's Ultimate Book of Lists," where she advises talking in a calm, soft voice because then the child has to work harder to hear what you are saying. Sometimes this works, but it means you need to be in control and have time to kill.  I have found that it takes a bit for my kids to realize what is going on and hear what I am saying. Personally I find that the more well rested and less stressed I am, the better I am able to do this.

Am I still going to yell? I would like to think not, but realistically the answer is probably yes because I know it's something that I am working on. My hope is that someday I will have evolved enough that a yell never escapes. But until then, on the occasions that it does happen, it's time to take responsibility for my actions- not just with myself, but my children as well. I have taught them from an early age that relationships are built on love, respect and trust.  I know that when I am yelling I am no longer being respectful or loving. To not recognize this to them would diminish the value of the very lesson I am trying to teach. I am a work in progress, always hoping that each day brings improvement and new insight.

 

Dear Tooth Fairy

I can't believe that my baby lost her first tooth. What was even more remarkable was the note, accompanied by a Cal Ripken baseball card, that CJ left under KC's pillow:

"I'm going to give my sister something. Please don't be afraid.  It will be a good gift. Please sidng on the line your name and leave it for KC."

From,

CJ